Getting Good at Bad Parenting

Parenting....has anyone figured it out?  There are millions of books that talk about how to be a good parent, but where are they?  Katy and I still haven't found the perfect one for us.  We must be looking in the wrong places or maybe our library didn't account for our personalities.

Maybe it is the activities we choose, such as taking our kids out in public.  Who knew that going to the grocery store was such a hard thing to do?  Consider this common occurence for us at the grocery store, plus or minus the millions of items in the grocery store: It is cold out so we go to the grocery store to get out of the house and get some activity to burn off some energy.  (Context - no riding in the cart)  It all goes well until we get into the store.  "No Merritt, we have to pay for those things. Please don't pull the wrapper off.  Oh, you already did.  OK, can you put it back on the shelf?  (OK, let's see if we can hide this behind some other candy bars...after all, you didn't eat it yet...or maybe you did.  Why is there chocolate on your face?  I could go tell someone, but at this point the effort to get both kids up to the front with my basket of groceries....its not worth it).  No Merritt....I know it seems fun to knock all those cans of soup off the shelf and drop apples on the floor, but we need to pick those up.  Ah, where is the condensed milk?  I work with computers, when will someone put a "Control F" in each aisle? No Merritt, not the bulk section!  No, please don't stick your hands in there!  No I was serious!  Ah, yes that is my kid.  Yes, I know she is not supposed to put her hand there. Yes I have her under my control.  No, she is not lost.  Yes, I'm trying.  Stimson, can you come back here?  Yes, we are about ready to leave.  You have to go to the bathroom?  Can you hold it, we are on the complete other side of the store from the bathroom.  OK, let's put our stuff down right here and run to the bathroom quick.  OK, come on Merritt.  Yes, Merritt, we need to go this way....Stimson has to go to the bathroom.  OK, are you about done Stimson?  No Merritt, don't touch that!  We are in a bathroom!  Can you just wait?  OK, we have to go find our stuff now.  Here it is.  Ready to go?  Oh no, Katy just texted me.  We need something else on the other side of the store.  No Merritt, please don't pull the price tags off the shelves!  C'mon, we need to go now.  We need to get home to eat.  Please don't scream and lay on the floor!  OK, we are leaving without you then.  You can lay on the floor if you want.  Yes, she is my child.  I see her, yes we are not leaving her really." ....Breathe.....

OK, let's go back to the house and stay inside where people don't see how messed up our parenting is.  It is then that I flash back to the days when I was just barely married.  You know...the days when you are the best husband and marriage is so easy...oh yeah, taht was because we were still on your honeymoon.  Shortly after that period is when you become the best parent.  My wife and I were thinking about having kids.  It was at that point that we were the best parents ever.  We should have written a book then.  It was so easy - we could look at other parents and talk about how our kids would never do that.  We could provide advice.  Our kid wwill never cry when he trips....our kid won't talk that way....our kid will not throw a fit in the middle of a store....our kid will say please and thank you.....our kid will eat all of his food and be grateful for my 50+ hours of work each week.....our kid will nap....It was all so easy because we were the perfect parents and best of all we had the time because we DIDN'T HAVE KIDS!

Things got messed up once we had kids.  However, it wasn't right away.  The first year with Stimson, our kid was perfect.  He didn't talk back.  He smiled.  He ate everything in front of him and more.  Then he turned 2.  And if that wasn't enough, we had another kid who also turned 2 and will be 2 for several more months.  That same girl also decided napping wasn't for her at the age of 2.  Because of that, we have learned that we should not go out in public from about 3p-6p....the time that we count down the minutes before bedtime for our napless girl.  As we have written.... we are awaiting a 3rd child.  We can romanticize how we will be the perfect parents for this girl from the Congo.  The reality is that we have a whole new set of challenges that will accompany that.  It's now that we have realized our parenting skills would have thrived had we not decided to have kids.  If we had thrived at parenting, we could be spending our nights sitting around the table eating ALL of our food and then post videos and pictures on social networking sites so everyone could "Like" our parenting.  We could begin writing our first book.

We are still learning how to be good parents.....we get glimpses all the time. Don't judge us if you meet us in the middle of an aisle at the grocery store.  Just know we are trying.  Back to learning how to be a good parent as we prepare to add a third to the chaos.