In The Groove

It is week 3 and I think we are finding a groove.  The senior (not quite AARP) members of the house are making progress while the kids are skeptical.  Stimson is still evaluating the groove.  He is a ‘stick to the original plan’ kind of a guy.  His plan is not the current plan and still involves mom more than our current reality. That means change for him is a significant ordeal, usually involving ongoing conversations and evening dessert to ease or numb his concerns.  Maybe we should have used the ‘patch’ instead of changing the plan cold turkey.  Merritt rolls with it as long as her needs (blankie, snacks, beating ‘Timmie’, bunny, and her purse) are in place. 

The perfect groove starts with compromising on sleep AND the coffee maker working….extra emphasis on the coffee maker. 4:45a comes earlier each day.  I often think back to the college days when homework started at 11p and ended at 1-2a.  Of course I was able to sleep in until 6a because who needed more than 4 hours of sleep at that age?  Fast forward to the current Adultezoic Era and usually less than 50% of the body is firing on all cylinders at 5a. Some twitching, running into walls, brushing with the wrong toothbrush could be involved. We usually don't know as those things happen in the unconscious state. Monday this past week was a rude awakening when the coffee maker decided it had enough and checked out. Our house wasn’t burning, but it may as well have been.  It was a 5-alarm emergency.  Katy’s face said it all.  When she cries wolf, I usually listen.  This was a huge wolf.  A quick trip to Costco (not at 5a) that day solved the problem.  Costco is great – they only have two options and their return policy is essentially “use it, abuse it, and bring it back no questions asked if you aren’t satisfied”.  Once the coffee has been inserted through the mouth or via IV, we are able to begin working or subject ourselves to some kind of activity (aka running) in the dark or the flywheel in the garage.

As for the kids…..any day the kids sleep past 6:30a is usually a good day.  This week, we had a few days where both kids were up before 6a.  Ummm, I think “I” need to go in to work early today.  “Honey, can you take the kids in this morning?  I will be home sometime after the kids are in bed.”  The goal is for Katy to leave the house between 6-7a.  The kids are usually up by 6:45a so we can leave for school at 7:15a.  

This week…..Thursday, Merritt woke up and the first thing she said was “I threw up just like Timmy did!!!” (reference to a period in the past where Stimson had thrown up in his bed) Oh no, sick kids are not part of the groove.  First thing that comes to mind was an email from Merritt’s school not too long ago that basically said “You are breaking some kind of law if you bring sick kids to school”.  Or maybe that was Maria Montessori’s mandate (the lady who came up with the great montessori educational philosophy) of a good learning experience. I'm not sure where that originated. “Merritt – how do you feel?  You feel fine?  OK, we are headed to school, but don’t tell anyone what happened last night”.  Phew, everything is still in the groove until noon when Merritt’s school calls to tell us she threw up.  Oops…. When I walked in to her school, I was surrounded by 15 kids yelling “Merritt PUKED! Merritt PUKED!”, “Merritt threw up all over while we were eating!”. I'm pretty sure most of the boys in her class (given about 2-3 more years of age) would have said something like "Merritt PUKED and it was AWESOME!!!  Her broccoli and carrots got great air time!" Either way, I imagine all parents got the news on the way home from their emotionally scarred kid. 

Not what we planned, but we did make it through another week.  Thanks to the great work of Martin Luther King, I was able to enjoy a company holiday at home by myself.  I made a table for Merritt’s bunny houses. 

Saturday was an important day to be outside with the kids.  A few mornings of 5:45a wake-ups, vomiting, etc….we would be wise to be outside.  Toxic germs and toxic attitudes are best shared with others in the outdoors where at least the birds are saying something nice.  We had success finding two geocaches and 100 pine cones for a school project.  We also got to ride our bikes.

On another note.....things we are thankful for this week....electricity (after two power outages), healthy kids, and mirrors.

12 WEEKS TO GO!

Seeing Double

In last week's post, I mentioned the start of tax season.  That is a significant event for us, similar to the last couple months of the year for those in retail, or for farmers like my dad when harvest comes.  It is an all consuming, day and night (sometimes middle of the night), and all weekend activity that hits our family.  My hope is to share some of this with those who are close to us (aka - those that will hear very little from us until the end of April).  

This week seemed a bit better as the routine started to fall in place.  The kids still have moments where it is evident that the second string (dad) has stepped in to run the show.  Just like in sports....when the stakes are not too high, the second string actually looks good.  Well, the stakes have been higher the last couple of weeks and the second string has not looked so hot.  In order to figure out this stuff, I need lists...reminders...charts...idiot reminders, etc.  Katy makes fun of my lists or maybe it is my initiation into what real parenting is like...."Ha Ha sucker - you figure it out now.  You get the kids to school on time, remember everything they need, get them fed, break up fights, and remember the snacks that Merritt "always" eats on the way home from school. (just like I have been doing for the PAST 7 YEARS)"  Snacks in the car???  Ah, she can wait until we get home, I think....it is only 5 min.  Well, let's just say, I'm on board now.  After one experience of the "snacks we forgot at home", I will always remember them.  My lists were created this week to make sure we didn't have to run home after getting halfway to school on the way and realizing Stimson didn't have his gloves.  Or forgetting Merritt's snacks....or forgetting to get the meat out of the freezer as Katy asked me 10 times to do so it could thaw out before evening.  I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat trying to remember everything I need to get ready for the next day.  This week started off with me on a roll.  Stimson was wearing his boots, had his hat and gloves, and his lunch.  I had Merritt in the car on the way to her school.  I had her lunch, her water bottle, her boots, and even 'her' in the car with her seat belt buckled.  I also remembered to close the garage door (its the little things that count here)  Just one thing....I couldn't figure out why my vision was so bad on the way to school.  Was tax season already taking its toll?  Had I really not been sleeping well?  Was I seeing double?  I had my glasses on.  Then I got to work and realized I also had my contacts in.  Apparently the combination of glasses and contacts actually doesn't improve your vision.  I hadn't forgotten anything...I had over prepared.  Sigh....I still have a ways to go to get this down.  

This past weekend, we did take a last minute trip to see Stimson and Merritt's cousins in Kalispell.  

How can we get away?  Good question....It was a very quick trip with Katy figuring out how to work in the car. 

We were able to help "Aunt Trisha" celebrate her birthday.  We also got some air time on the luge track Uncle Pete and Bowman built.

Serena and Merritt also realized they could start playing together....not with toys though.  True to their personality....playing away from everyone else...

13 WEEKS LEFT of TAX SEASON!

Fun is Done

Wow, just 3 weeks ago, kids were bouncing off walls as we were gearing up for Christmas.  The anticipation and magic of it all kept the kids maxed out for several days leading UP to Christmas. The logic and experience of being around kids would caution that usually there is a crash at some point.  (Keep that thought for a moment.)  When that happens, it is best to clear the area or ask someone who is a bit more patient and understanding (ie. gets paid to do this) to watch the kids for a few hours.  Anybody can endure a certain degree of abuse for a little cash.  For us, the two weeks of our Christmas "break" were filled with two birthdays, four Christmas celebrations, and two visits by grandparents.  Translation: the kids were inebriated, but not by alcohol.  Everyday was a party and the fun was seemingly endless. Actually, we really did have a lot of fun and enjoyed spending time with our parents who drove hundreds of miles through terrible conditions like we all used to do when we were college students.  You know, those days when you "started" driving on your 10 hour trip at 10p when you got off work and when all logic with road conditions and night driving did not apply to you.  You can do anything with coffee, Mountain Dew, music, and an open window with cold air flowing in. The fun..... well, for us it meant sleeping past 5:45a, hanging out with the kids at length, XC skiing, sledding, good food, hanging out with friends, spending time with parents, movies "upstairs" with the kids, and playing with new toys.

Meanwhile, there was this little thought lingering for at least one person in our family....TAX SEASON.  Tax season is always crazy.  At this time of the year, we expect it to be and we prepare for the craziness.  However, let's just say last year was intense and many of us in our family still have nightmares about it.  Well, that reality hit this past Monday.  That crash I was talking about earlier....insert patient, understanding DAD and the new tax season plan.  Oh, and we forgot to have a family meeting to go over the new protocol.  Effective Monday, Mom was heading in to work early.  That meant Dad (for the next 15 weeks) was in charge of walking the kids to school.  Wait...you mean Mom is not taking us anymore?  Enter Christmas hangover....

With no transition, we were all off to school at 7:15a for the 'before-school' program.  Kids were confused, rushed, irritated, and I was in charge.  No problem I thought - I can do all of this....Where's your hat?  What do you mean you forgot your hat?  It is 7 degrees.  Yes, I forgot your snack.  You will have to wait until we get home later.  You didn't go to the bathroom before we left?  Deep breath.....  Hmm, we want Mom back.  

The hangover did last a few days, but by Friday, things were starting to settle in a bit.  Check out Stimson's publishing party (his favorite part of school).

Stimson's Publishing Party

Only 14 more weeks to go.....

A New Year

Friends and Family,

We hope you are all doing well with the start of 2015.  By now, you have probably eaten all the cookies, taken down the Christmas tree, and are well into the new year.  With the start of a new year, we wanted to take a moment to send you an update on our family. 

The year 2014 was a very defining year for our family, filled with many high and low moments that seemed to change the trajectory of our lives.  There were many challenges and yet those challenges turned into opportunities for us to paint a clearer picture of what our family would look like in the next chapter of our lives. 

Our youngest daughter Merritt is now 3 going on 16.  The highlights of her year include ‘nastiks’ (gymnastics), attending her ‘school’ four days a week, and copying, following, and trying to beat Stimson at everything he does.  Our son Stimson turned 7 this year and has officially requested the job of disciplining, calming, and helping his younger sister. He does a great job and often knows better than his parents how to handle Merritt.  He started first grade and enjoyed numerous outdoor activities including hiking, biking, camping, running, and cross-country skiing, which meant Merritt also enjoyed the same activities.  

Katy has continued her professional career as an accountant, although this year was especially challenging as she not only performed her typical tax season routine, but did so while working two other jobs at the same time.  It’s a long story and one that we hope we never have to repeat as the ripple effect from tax season didn’t subside until around October.  Starting in 2015, she will be doing her same number crunching but at one firm.  I continue to work as a Product Manager at LexisNexis and enjoy the opportunities I have had there to learn.  Outside of work, Katy and I were also able to enjoy a lot of camping, running, and biking.  We both ran several races, with the most memorable being the Venice Marathon that we did together this past fall. 

While there were many other events that defined our year, a big reason for writing this letter was to provide an adoption update to you.  Our quest to adopt started around five years ago.  Those five years have been filled with a lot of bumps along the way and a lot of waiting for the adoption process to complete so that we could move our family forward together.  In the meantime, we attempted to prepare for the changes that would be coming our way – prepping the house, creating new beds, talking to the kids, and emotionally preparing for the challenge of adding another child to our family with an unknown past.  At this time last year, we had indicated that we had been assigned a referral.  That meant we had a name, a picture, and a somewhat unclear history of a girl who was to become a part of our family.  When the DRC (Democratic Republic of Congo) placed a suspension on all exit visas last October, we knew we would be waiting at least until October of 2014 before anything would happen.  Despite the suspension, we jumped into 2014 making monthly payments to support an additional level of care for our ‘daughter’, theoretically making her life better than what it had been, and awaiting any news that might indicate a change of status in the DRC.  Things began to change in February, when we were told that we lost our referral.  While we had prepared for this possible event like many had told us to do, it was still emotionally challenging for us to consider starting over.  We were in the midst of a hectic tax season and we were trying to understand why an attempt to improve another child’s life had to be so difficult.  Things continued to compound when our agency decided they would not be supporting new adoptions from the DRC and it was recommended we consider switching countries.  We had already switched countries once, paying and losing a lot of money in that process.  We decided to put everything on hold temporarily as we considered the next step.  Around mid-year, our adoption agency in the US went bankrupt, leaving us with no option to move forward with them.  In the midst of all this confusion and the many setbacks, we realized that all of our adoption forms were or had expired.  This meant that all our time/money/emotions and blood/sweat/tears invested in our adoption journey were gone and that we would technically and practically be starting over. With this series of setbacks, it had become more of a struggle than a dream. Frankly, we had a lot on our plate this past year and felt like we had nothing left in the tank to completely start over with the process.  We wrestled with this over several months and ultimately decided to no longer pursue adoption.  While this was difficult, we also found much contentment in putting our energy and time into our existing family and moving forward together.  We hadn’t realized how much of a holding pattern we were in and it has since been refreshing and rewarding to focus on what is right in front of us.  Many of you had partnered with us in this adoption effort and we want to say thank you!  We were honored and humbled to be supported by so many of our friends and family.  We now look forward to what lies ahead for our family.

We hope you are all doing well and we wish you all the best in 2015.  We hope to hear from you all within the next year!

Brad, Katy, Stimson, Merritt

catching up

we have a lot to go over- whoever you are reading this right now.  

first- since this is our "adoption blog" i will outline some of the adoption developments.  (don't get excited)

october- we get a referral of a four-year old girl.  we start making bunk beds and figuring out car seating arrangements.  and we spend lots of money for the right to do this. 
november- get picture updates of the girl
december- picture updates
january- picture update and a new case worker.  our first conversation with this new caseworker is a phone call telling us that our future daughter's biological father came back to get her at the orphanage.  we are stunned.  at the deepest level we are really hopeful this is great for both of them.  likely this girl will remember her father and hopefully was extremely happy to see him.  the fallout for us is this: we are back to square one minus the $10,500 we paid for this referral.  we have lots of mixed emotions and lots of complications with moving forward such as needing to pay the large referral fee again, suspension on DRC adoptions, and our agency announcing they will no longer take on any new DRC adoptions, etc.  we feel confused and skeptical about this whole process.  then, literally the next day, my brother and his wife get a call from a foster care agency offering them a brand new baby and financial assistance to care for this baby.  they think it over and say yes and within a week have a new baby at their house.  we wonder more and more why we are working so hard, waiting so long (five years now) and spending so much money to now find ourselves no closer than when we started.  to top this all off, all of our documents are expiring- all of them.  our home study expires.  our fingerprints expire.  all of our background checks, marriage certificates, birth certificates, doctor's letters, etc. are expiring.  they are all dated and they are all notarized with a date.  so there is a double expiration date on each document. we are weary and confused and struggling to reconcile our desires and our reality.  
february- tax season hits full swing.  and i also start a new job at the worst time possible to start a new job.  but it seemed like a good opportunity, especially for the long-term so we decided we would struggle through the next two months and hope for the best.  
march- tax season hits harder than i remembered.  new job is more intense and consuming than i envisioned. we are stretched beyond our flexibility.  trying hard to work every minute and be a mom and clean the house and make dinner and return e-mails and phone calls and more e-mails and keep appointments and put gas in the car and get lunches made and sleep. give up on sleep.  then we get the phone call from our new caseworker.  she asks how we are doing and what we are thinking and seems ready to end the call.  i tell her we're confused, tired, and overworked at the moment.  as an afterthought, i ask her if she called for a reason and she says yes. hold on a second.  i ask if she has a child?  she says yes.  a one-year old.  i lose my breath.  i regain it.  i tell her i will talk to my husband who i have barely talked to or seen since early february.  we talk rationally and logically and concisely and decide there is no way we can spend more money until, at the very least, this DRC suspension is lifted.  there is too much upheaval and chaos surrounding adoption in the DRC and we can't responsibly throw more money into the winds of the Congo adoption process.  it seems like the only rational decision to make.  the next day is when it hits on an emotional level  we just said no to a one-year old baby that could possibly come live with us and be our child.  this is exactly what we so desired to do four years ago and now we just said no.  we think we made a wise decision and we feel like we would say that again given the current circumstances, but that next day was so hard.  this is what we wanted so badly and felt so strongly and we just said no.  

so here we are.  back in familiar territory- the way too familiar "on hold" status.  

second- here is our favorite sledding hill.  we hit the slopes of this hill as often as we could this winter.  

Getting Good at Bad Parenting

Parenting....has anyone figured it out?  There are millions of books that talk about how to be a good parent, but where are they?  Katy and I still haven't found the perfect one for us.  We must be looking in the wrong places or maybe our library didn't account for our personalities.

Maybe it is the activities we choose, such as taking our kids out in public.  Who knew that going to the grocery store was such a hard thing to do?  Consider this common occurence for us at the grocery store, plus or minus the millions of items in the grocery store: It is cold out so we go to the grocery store to get out of the house and get some activity to burn off some energy.  (Context - no riding in the cart)  It all goes well until we get into the store.  "No Merritt, we have to pay for those things. Please don't pull the wrapper off.  Oh, you already did.  OK, can you put it back on the shelf?  (OK, let's see if we can hide this behind some other candy bars...after all, you didn't eat it yet...or maybe you did.  Why is there chocolate on your face?  I could go tell someone, but at this point the effort to get both kids up to the front with my basket of groceries....its not worth it).  No Merritt....I know it seems fun to knock all those cans of soup off the shelf and drop apples on the floor, but we need to pick those up.  Ah, where is the condensed milk?  I work with computers, when will someone put a "Control F" in each aisle? No Merritt, not the bulk section!  No, please don't stick your hands in there!  No I was serious!  Ah, yes that is my kid.  Yes, I know she is not supposed to put her hand there. Yes I have her under my control.  No, she is not lost.  Yes, I'm trying.  Stimson, can you come back here?  Yes, we are about ready to leave.  You have to go to the bathroom?  Can you hold it, we are on the complete other side of the store from the bathroom.  OK, let's put our stuff down right here and run to the bathroom quick.  OK, come on Merritt.  Yes, Merritt, we need to go this way....Stimson has to go to the bathroom.  OK, are you about done Stimson?  No Merritt, don't touch that!  We are in a bathroom!  Can you just wait?  OK, we have to go find our stuff now.  Here it is.  Ready to go?  Oh no, Katy just texted me.  We need something else on the other side of the store.  No Merritt, please don't pull the price tags off the shelves!  C'mon, we need to go now.  We need to get home to eat.  Please don't scream and lay on the floor!  OK, we are leaving without you then.  You can lay on the floor if you want.  Yes, she is my child.  I see her, yes we are not leaving her really." ....Breathe.....

OK, let's go back to the house and stay inside where people don't see how messed up our parenting is.  It is then that I flash back to the days when I was just barely married.  You know...the days when you are the best husband and marriage is so easy...oh yeah, taht was because we were still on your honeymoon.  Shortly after that period is when you become the best parent.  My wife and I were thinking about having kids.  It was at that point that we were the best parents ever.  We should have written a book then.  It was so easy - we could look at other parents and talk about how our kids would never do that.  We could provide advice.  Our kid wwill never cry when he trips....our kid won't talk that way....our kid will not throw a fit in the middle of a store....our kid will say please and thank you.....our kid will eat all of his food and be grateful for my 50+ hours of work each week.....our kid will nap....It was all so easy because we were the perfect parents and best of all we had the time because we DIDN'T HAVE KIDS!

Things got messed up once we had kids.  However, it wasn't right away.  The first year with Stimson, our kid was perfect.  He didn't talk back.  He smiled.  He ate everything in front of him and more.  Then he turned 2.  And if that wasn't enough, we had another kid who also turned 2 and will be 2 for several more months.  That same girl also decided napping wasn't for her at the age of 2.  Because of that, we have learned that we should not go out in public from about 3p-6p....the time that we count down the minutes before bedtime for our napless girl.  As we have written.... we are awaiting a 3rd child.  We can romanticize how we will be the perfect parents for this girl from the Congo.  The reality is that we have a whole new set of challenges that will accompany that.  It's now that we have realized our parenting skills would have thrived had we not decided to have kids.  If we had thrived at parenting, we could be spending our nights sitting around the table eating ALL of our food and then post videos and pictures on social networking sites so everyone could "Like" our parenting.  We could begin writing our first book.

We are still learning how to be good parents.....we get glimpses all the time. Don't judge us if you meet us in the middle of an aisle at the grocery store.  Just know we are trying.  Back to learning how to be a good parent as we prepare to add a third to the chaos.

Christmas in the First World

Merry Christmas!

We have enjoyed writing sporadically in this thing we call a blog to document our thoughts about adoption - primarily to create an electronic journal of sorts that we can share mostly with ourselves and with immediate family.  Our hearts have been tugged in many different directions this year and that is what we make time to write about here. This edition will be a little longer than a blog should be (so I hear) as it will be our version of a Christmas letter. With that said, here we go.  If you stop reading here and check out the pictures below, enjoy.  If you read on further, take these thoughts as simply that.....thoughts about random topics....thoughts about issues that have begged our attention this past year.

This year has been a busy year for us. Sounds like a sentence from the Christmas letter template.  I notice that same sentence in all the letters I have read thus far.  This is not a knock on you, if you just wrote that.  Just sayin...it was a hectic year that has only since slowed down a bit the last couple of weeks. Katy continues to amaze me as she seemingly has 3 full-time jobs - full-time mom, self-employed accountant, and always toying with the idea of making muffins and cookies full time with one of her friends.

Our oldest son Stimson is about to turn 6.  He started Kindergarten this year and loves it.  I guess if he hated it, I probably wouldn't tell you.  He fits the description of a first child - responsible, caring, and nurturing. Fortunately, he has also filled the role of parent with Merritt when the front line support (Katy and I) get overpowered (which is often).  He is often more effective with Merritt than us.

Our daughter Merritt is 2 now and she loves anything Stimson does.  She is the spunky side of the family.  Since she enjoys following Stimson around and copying everything he does, we are hoping he will be able to raise her well.  We certainly have no control over her these days.  If you live in Bozeman and shop some of the same places we do, I'm sure you have seen her sprawled out on the floor (not sleeping)....more of the 'all-out fit' variety with absolutely no room for negotiation.  If you had a pet pig and took him to a store and that pet got a little out of control, consider what it would be like carrying that pet back to your car. This is what we are familiar with when we take Merritt out in public. While it is usually embarrassing, we have mellowed a bit as parents and frequently take pictures of the fits, despite the looks of horror from onlookers. We have yet to find any of the onlookers who are willing to partner with us in this parenting gig.  Let's just say we are not worried about her making a plan for her life...she usually knows exactly what she wants and does it. She does have control over me when she tilts her head and say "Hug and Kiss Dada".

We have kept busy as a family with the typical things that have characterized us for a few years now - marathons, biking around town, hiking, camping, backpacking, walking, generally being outdoors, and skipping naps.

We also moved forward on trying to adopt a child within the last 18 months.  I won't explain that decision here.  You will have to skim through our blogs to catch that story.  Yes, adopting sounds noble and you can clap for us if you want.  In all honesty though, we are excited, worried, frustrated, sad, overwhelmed, and frankly uncertain about our adoption adventures. It has been a long road already.  Why not stop at the 2.2 kids that we have you ask, if you include Kippa (in the picture with Merritt), since our family fits the profile of the average American family? Our hearts have wrestled with many of what has been frequently referred to as "First World" problems.

"First World" problems?  What do you mean?  Let's consider some of these problems in a typical day for many of us, (embellished a bit and meant to prove a point....not necessarily characteristic of us)....Problems, problems, problems - I was thinking about this recently when I had to fly for work. When I fly on Delta, my ticket always says Zone 3.  Just once, I want to fly Zone 1 and get on first and get off first.  Is it really that nice to get on and sit an extra 15 minutes only to find that you want to stand up and get off? Problems.  Sometimes we find out that our plane is delayed and we have to wait an extra hour to fly to some tropical place.  It gets worse when we finally sit down on the plane and the person in front of us reclines their seat in an already crowded airplane.  On this same trip, I sat next to someone who was obviously irritated at that same thing and proceeded to "accidentally" fidget by punching and kicking the seat in front of her to prove a point.  Problems. Going to a place like Costco.  Its like parking at a football game where people say they are number one but use their longest finger to show it.....only because someone took their spot in the front.  They park in the back and end up walking 40 extra feet.  We get inside the store and purchase what is probably enough food for a full year for many people (for us it always seems to run out in a week).  The lines are frustratingly long....why don't they hire more people so we don't have to wait so long.  Problems.    Thank goodness for smart phones where we can post all of our urgent problems on Twitter and Facebook, while driving or while interacting with friends and family....because it would be a problem to have to wait.  "First World" problems....if you have kids, you may have heard this phrase "This is the worst day of my life".

This brings me back to adoption.  What has tugged at our hearts the past couple of years is bigger than the First World problems.  What has tugged at our hearts are real problems.  Pain, hunger, abuse, disease, alone, sex trafficking and many other injustices of our world. Those are problems....

This leads me to the last part of our family.  This year, we stumbled into a girl from the Congo whose mom died when she was 6 months old.  Problems. Her dad was too destitute to take care of her so he left her on the streets or on the front step of an orphanage. Too destitute to "leave" her?  Problems.  While we did not meet this person face to face, we read about her in our comfortable, warm, and rich country.  She is roughly 3-4 years old. She lacks the normalcy many of us have.  She survives on a fraction of food that we eat a day.  She doesn't know what it means to have parents.  She doesn't have the rooms full of toys that kids in our country have to play with.  She doesn't go to gymnastics, dance class, ski lessons, and ballet.  She doesn't go to the park and play.  She is stuck in an orphanage, waiting to be loved.  She has a frightening past that is unknown to most.  She doesn't know what it feels like to be hugged, loved, put to bed, comforted when she is scared, or held to feel safe.  She doesn't share that excitement Christmas morning when there are multiple presents under the tree for her.  Problems. That girl, we found out, is likely our daughter.  (More on that later) This is why the first world problems of our country tug at our heart.

I didn't promise this to be your average Christmas letter.  Yes we are busy and yes our kids are cute (in the eyes of the parents).  Our family and adoption continue to make life complicated. This is just a little of what is going on with us. Wherever you are, we hope you are doing well and enjoy the holiday season.

Merry Christmas from our family!